Marbled Butternut Squash Bread

As far back as I can remember, I wanted to be a writer. I wanted to put pen to paper and release a story from somewhere deep within me. To give the mumbled, uncertain emotions swirling in my head a channel with which to escape. I wanted to release words from my fingertips with as much energy as the release of balloons into a deep blue sky.

Perhaps it may come as a surprise to you, but I've always been a little reserved. My tongue holds my thoughts prisoner, fighting against the rattling brain in my head that is eager to share them with the world. It's a personal, quiet battle I struggle with in slowly conquering that stubborn tongue of mine. In a way, writing has become an outlet to free the thoughts in my head. To give a voice to the words I cannot seem to speak aloud.

Even so, some days I have a love-hate relationship with writing. Writing is hard. More often than not, I end up staring at a blank computer screen when I sit down to write, the blinking of the cursor reminding me how much time is passing, my mind seeming to wipe itself clean. Though I love the process of writing once I begin, the process can be difficult to start. I have been known to avoid writing like it is a chore, pandering myself by visiting webpages or taking care of household business instead, trying to ignore the call of the white blank screen.

Yet, I cannot ignore the call forever. I eventually find myself in front of that same blank screen, discovering the determination to cover it with black ink. The need to write outweighs whatever feelings I may have about it. Perhaps, in many ways, that is the true mark of writer.

Even though I love sharing my thoughts and stories with you, I have always written for myself. I struggle to write for anyone else. When I settle down in front of the computer screen, I must forget that thousands of you may stumble across my words and read them—the thought is enough to stop even the bravest of writers mid-sentence. I can't write while I feel like someone is watching me; I'm afraid that person will read my words and find a way to judge me for them.

Even so, I wonder if I can truly be called a writer. The term is enigmatic, ascribing a certain measure of success and failure. If I am to be called a writer, I like to imagine that any eight year old girl with a head full of ideas and dull pencil in hand can be called by the same name too.

Writer or not, the need to write never changes. I plan on slicing myself another piece of this bread for inspiration when I find myself facing the next blank screen.

Marbled Butternut Squash Bread has a subtle sweetness with striking tones of color. Butternut squash meets the classic fall spices—cinnamon, nutmeg, and cloves—creating a moist and pleasantly dense loaf of bread. A third of the batter is mixed with cocoa before swirling into the rest, creating not only a marbled appearance, but a marbled flavor. The bread works well served with a simple butter spread but, if you are feeling a little adventurous, a bit of chocolate spread certainly wouldn't be amiss.

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Marbled Butternut Squash Bread

Yields 1 loaf

1 1/2 cups (about 370 grams) butternut squash puree**
1/4 cup (60 ml) vegetable oil
1 cup (200 grams) brown sugar, packed
2 large eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 cups (250 grams) all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon ground cloves
1/2 teaspoon salt
3 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (180 degrees C). Grease a 9 x 5-inch loaf pan.

In a large mixing bowl, stir together the butternut squash puree, oil, and sugar, mixing until uniform. Beat in the eggs one at a time, mixing well between additions. Beat in the vanilla extract. Gradually mix in the flours, baking soda, baking powder, spices, and salt.

In a medium bowl, mix together the cocoa powder with 3 tablespoons hot water until it forms a paste. Add 1/3 of the butternut squash batter and stir until incorporated. Set aside.

In order to achieve a marbled effect, mentally divide the loaf pan into 6 different sections. Pour the orange batter into 3 of the sections and the chocolate batter into the other 3 so that it alternates between the colors. Using a spoon, swirl the batter back and forth, taking care to not over-mix the batter. Bake the bread for 50-60 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean. Cool the bread in the pan for 10 minutes before transferring to a cooling rack to cool completely.

**To make butternut squash puree, roast a butternut squash in a 400 degree F (205 degrees C) oven for 25 minutes, or until fork tender. Peel the squash and place into a food processor (or blender) and process until smooth. Drain out any excess moisture.

Comments

[Rachel (Two Healthy Plates)]

Spiced breads are one of my favorite fall treats - this looks delicious! I love how you marbled it with cocoa powder - yum!

[Grace]

Hi Kristin. I follow a lot of food blogs and never write comments, but this post really resonated with me, and I want to thank you for it. I am an undergraduate journalism student and have always loved writing. It is the only activity I completely lose myself in once I get started. But I know what you mean about the fear of sharing. When I was little, I kept a diary as a preservation of my life, to show my grandkids when I'm old. It was something like a list of daily activities. Now, my journaling is far more reflective and personal, and I do it for me. Allowing the words to escape from my brain onto paper is such a release, and with no readers to fear, they come so easily. But when I am writing for the local daily paper, I linger over each word, driving myself crazy, because there's a chance someone will judge me for the words I am typing into this white machine. Your words resonated with me today because they felt like my own thoughts. With that, I just want you to know that of all the food blogs on my Google Reader, yours is my favorite. The writing is exquisite, and I rush to open every new post because I cannot wait to see what inspiring quote you have found for today. Your blog makes my life a little brighter, and I appreciate every time you go to your keyboard to tackle the fear.

[Katrina @ Warm Vanilla Sugar]

This is simply lovely. And you are an amazing writer! I don't keep coming back for the recipes...it's the whole package :)

[vera@growntocook]

Kristine, I enjoyed very much this post about the creative process of writing. In a way it's such a lonely occupation that it's nice to hear about how others are coping with it. I am a garden writer (not a writer of fiction) and often wonder why taking pictures for my articles is "fun", postprocessing is OK, and the writing can be such a painful process. But it also gives me much more satisfaction.
And of course, the recipe looks delicious and your pictures are beautiful :-)

[Fatema]

I totally agree with Katrina while the recipes are alway's seasonal and inspiring the additional word's make it a joy to check in with your blog:-) I also find it difficult to express myself at times when I have so much up there I can't find the right word's to put those thought's into meaningful speech.

[jaime @ sweet road]

I know the feeling when it comes to writing. I've never wanted to be a writer, but I do have fun writing blog posts and short stories every now and then. A lot of times I start coming up with great stories and sentences that flow well together in my head, but then when I go to write them down or type everything up I just blank. Sigh. At least you've got this bread to keep you going!

[Laura (Blogging Over Thyme)]

I, too, have a love hate relationship with writing! I love so many aspects of it, but hate how difficult it can be sometimes--especially when you know what you want to say, but don't like how its being expressed. I feel like I am at my best when the idea is more spontaneous than well thought out--it seems to flow more easily.

You're a great writer! And baker...this bread looks amazing :)

[Diana]

Your writing and photography is just beautiful! Your such an inspiration.

[Becca - Cookie Jar Treats]

I have written this a million times, and I'm sure you've read something simillar a trillion and one times: your writing is phemoninal. Really, you're words are beautiful. I know what if feels like to want to wrtie, but have nothing come out. It happens to all of us. But I guess when I read something as beautiful as your blog I forget how hard it is to write for many people. I don't know how long it takes you to create these posts, but thank you for taking the time to write them.

[Tika Hapsari Nilmada]

Hi Kristin. Loooveee all photos above. The cake looks delish too.

[Loretta | A Finn In The Kitchen]

You are absolutely a writer! Just probably a little different than what we usually think of when we hear 'writer.' That's a good thing, though!

I have a large butternut squash sitting on my table just waiting to be whipped into this bread!

[Katrin]

I know I'm a bit late, but it's only autumn now in my part of the world. This is absolutely delicious! So wonderfully moist and spicy!

[Ines]

This cake/bread was a success ! Not too sweet, perfect with a cup of coffee! Next time I'll double the amount of spices, yummy! Great recipe.