Peanut Butter Swirled Brownies
02.27.2011 
Sometimes the best part of my day is making a batch of brownies and that's the honest-to-god truth.
Though I often try to stay upbeat and cheerful with you (no one likes a Debbie Downer), it would be amiss to pretend that I don't have my bad days as well as my good. In many ways, sharing my life with you in these small, candid ways has compelled me to find the good—or even happiness—in my daily life. I want to tell you how I feel when the sunlight shines in through the window just so (or take a picture so you can see for yourself). I want to share my love for chocolate and for lemons.
What I don't tell you about are the days where I want to bury my head under my pillow and pretend I don't have to get out of bed. Instead, I will express my nostalgia for the childhood foods that comfort me. I don't need to share the days that I feel so lonely I could burst. Instead, I'll read (and reread) your comments and smile, feeling blessed that I can be a part of this community. I want to be a small bright spot in your day, whether through my photography, my stories, or my food. I wish to bring a smile to your face or a hunger to your stomach.
A friend reminded me today that the key to happiness (or, at the very least, not feeling overwhelmed with life) is taking what you have and making it enough somehow. I thought about this for a long time. I am always dreaming for a life that isn't mine—maybe parts of it are, but the rest is fantasy. Some days I wish I was a middle-aged woman, complete with a loving husband and beautiful children. Other days I wish I was a bold and courageous woman, flying off to live alone in Paris to do what I love.
I have a hard time becoming satisfied with what I have made for myself. Do I regret anything I have done or resent the decisions I have made? No. Though, sometimes life leads me towards people and places that don't quite fit what I have planned. They may be a part of the bigger picture, but in my small, everyday moments, it isn't quite what I wanted; this isn't what I dreamed about.
Appreciating what I have is more difficult than I expected or realized. I know I'm lucky to be where I am and I know this, but it is hard not to want moremoremore. I am trying to understand that hopes and dreams take time and energy and we all must pay our dues to see them realized. While saying this to you is one thing, living and experiencing it is another beast.
Sometimes I buy myself a new pair of shoes hoping it will bring me a moment of happiness. Maybe they will, but the moment is fleeting.
I do consider myself to be a happy person, but, like everyone, I have my moments where it can be difficult to find those bright spots in my day. For long periods of time, my days can feel dim (not necessarily dark) and this is what I struggle with most. The mediocrity of day-to-day life prevails above all else. How do you overcome this? How do you train yourself to find more bright spots (and, thus, more happiness)?
These are the questions I'm working on answering. Lifelong happiness may be an endless process and, though never easy, it is what you make out of it. You have to find your own happiness because no one is going to do it for you. You must take what you have been dealt and find a way to be content with it.
I am searching for genuine happiness in the humdrum of daily life.
I will let you know where I find my happiness. I hope you share your happiness struggles and triumphs with me. Where do you find your happiness?
These peanut butter swirled brownies are never too sweet. The brownie is neither a thick fudge or light cake (like these blueberry brownies), but falls somewhere in between. The crunchy peanut butter swirls give these brownies a much needed texture. I find that the sweetness of the peanut butter balances out the bittersweet chocolate of the brownie. If you ever so slightly under-bake the brownies, you'll find yourself with a moister brownie that is neither dry nor crumbly.
Peanut Butter Swirled Brownies
Yields 8 large or 16 2-inch brownies
Brownie batter
6 tablespoons salted butter
5 ounces bittersweet chocolate
1/2 cup sugar
2 large eggs
1/2 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
2/3 cup all-purpose flour
Line an 8-inch square brownie pan (or pan of similar size) with parchment paper and grease.
In a double boiler, melt the butter and chocolate until smooth. Whisk in the sugar, eggs, vanilla, and flour. Spread into prepared pan.
Peanut butter batter
3/4 cup extra crunchy peanut butter
1/2 cup powdered sugar
2 tablespoons salted butter, melted
In a small bowl, mix together the peanut butter, powdered sugar, and butter until smooth.
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
Drop dollops of the peanut butter batter on top of the brownie batter. Swirl with a buttered knife until you achieve a marbled look. Bake for 30 to 35 minutes, or until an inserted toothpick comes out clean. Do not overbake! Cool before serving.
brownie, chocolate, peanut butter in cookies
Reader Comments (11)
Your pictures of these brownies look absolutely fantastic, I just want to reach through the picture and grab a couple :)
I also wanted to say that I think it's awesome that you enjoy "fleeted" happy moments and are also looking for long lasting happiness, and I feel exactly the same about wanting to have kids. And since I can't do that right now, I really enjoy making toys and such for other peoples' kids, and I really look forward to when I get my own!
Thanks for another delicious and inspiring post! :)
ok... so regarding the happiness issue. :-) I can relate. i am married and happy, however there are moments even when you are married that you tend to question things, life, your happiness, what would be enough. Just like you, i was a computer programmer working for a major bank, it's a dry field, i quit my job and turned to blogging hoping to find the happiness and enjoy life without any stress, it definitely worked. Now i want to go back to work because I feel the need to earn and do the things i want to do, travel to places i never thought i'd go and all that comes with a price tag. i often question should we do what we love and be satisfied with what we have because often times what we love doesn't always reward you financially, or do we continue on the computer programmer/physics path and earn and feel like the world is at our fingertips?
i don't know the right answer, but i do know that sometimes when my husband isn't enough to make me happy, i need to reach within and find a great recipe and bake something for myself, it puts me at ease, i love curling into bed with my comforter and watching a nice movie, or just do a sleepover with my girlfriends, that often helps. :-) it will happen for you... don't rush time, don't fast forward 15 years, enjoy the moment now, go to paris, do the things you want to because you will never get this time back!!! :-)
and i love your blog, it's simple and elegant!
These look ammmazing!!
Jess : )
I think that's a great idea! peanut butter and chocolate is a good combination.<a href="http://bakerydelivered.com">Buy Desserts</a>
No doubt that I can't afford chocolate bits now (I'm not working and the country I live in imports most things), but I do have unsweetened powdered cocoa. Can I use that instead?
I hope this post today finds you in a happy and content mood. We all seem to look for happiness no matter how much or little we have. I'll agree that only you can find it for yourself. I've taken up baking again very lately and I find thinking of new things to try makes me smile to think of it. It's not a spectacular thing but it's enough.
Thanks for sharing your life with me and everyone. Happy 2012 to you. :)
by the way, i love your page, lovely photos and nice posts