Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies

Three and a half years ago, living in my first apartment in college, I thought having a pet fish was the greatest idea ever. And it was, for a year or so. I had my very own fishy friend and he had a surprisingly interesting little personality that kept me entertained. I bought him a few friends and they had a swimmingly time together.

Three years later, having pet fish suddenly doesn't seem like the greatest idea ever. That very same fish tank now sits in my bedroom and begs to be cleaned more often then I remember.

I haven't always been the best fish mother. Sometimes I forget to feed them. Sometimes I don't clean the tank for a month. Yet, my fish preserver. They are survivors. I don't understand how people struggle to keep fish alive. I'm beginning to believe mine are incapable of dying.

Lately, my fish tank has been making strange noises in the night. The filter (or fish?) perfectly mimics the sound of someone breathing. Long intake of breath. Short exhale. Repeat. The pattern never strays from the steady beat. The sound is subtle. In the hustle and bustle of the day, you couldn't hear it if you really, really tried.

But late at night, when the house is dark and quiet, it's there. Sometimes it takes me offguard and for a split second, I think someone is in my room with me, quietly breathing behind me, lying in wait. Soon enough (and a heart attack later), I realize it's just the fish.

I really ought to get that checked out before I actually have a heart attack.

First and foremost, if you are going to make these cookies, make a double batch. I didn't and immediately after tasting one, I sorely regretted it. These peanut butter chocolate chip cookies are everything you want in a cookie. The outside is crisp while the inside stays soft and tender. They are perfect for dunking or eating plain (though you will want a glass of milk). I used chunky peanut butter to give my cookies more of a crunch though I have no reason to believe creamy peanut butter wouldn't be just as great. If you are a cookie lover, I recommend you give these a shot.

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Peanut Butter Swirled Brownies

Sometimes the best part of my day is making a batch of brownies and that's the honest-to-god truth.

Though I often try to stay upbeat and cheerful with you (no one likes a Debbie Downer), it would be amiss to pretend that I don't have my bad days as well as my good. In many ways, sharing my life with you in these small, candid ways has compelled me to find the good—or even happiness—in my daily life. I want to tell you how I feel when the sunlight shines in through the window just so (or take a picture so you can see for yourself). I want share my love for chocolate and for lemons.

What I don't tell you about are the days where want to bury my head under my pillow and pretend I don't have to get out of bed. Instead, I will express my nostalgia for the childhood foods that comfort me. I don't need to share the days that I feel so lonely I could burst. Instead, I'll read (and reread) your comments and smile, feeling blessed that I can be a part of this community. I want to be a small bright spot in your day, whether through my photography, my stories, or my food. I wish to bring a smile to your face or a hunger to your stomach.

A friend reminded me today that the key to happiness (or, at the very least, not feeling overwhelmed with life) is taking what you have and making it enough somehow. I thought about this for a long time. I am always dreaming for a life that isn't mine—maybe parts of it are, but the rest is fantasy. Some days I wish I was a middle-aged woman, complete with a loving husband and beautiful children. Other days I wish I was a bold and courageous woman, flying off to live alone in Paris to do what I love.

I have a hard time becoming satisfied with what I have made for myself. Do I regret anything I have done or resent the decisions I have made? No. Though, sometimes life leads me towards people and places that don't quite fit what I have planned. They may be a part of the bigger picture, but in my small, everyday moments, it isn't quite what I wanted; this isn't what I dreamed about.

Appreciating what I have is more difficult than I expected or realized. I know I'm lucky to be where I am and I know this, but it is hard not to want moremoremore. I am trying to understand that hopes and dreams take time and energy and we all must pay our dues to see them realized. While saying this to you is one thing, living and experiencing it is another beast.

Sometimes I buy myself a new pair of shoes hoping it will bring me a moment of happiness. Maybe they will, but the moment is fleeting.

I do consider myself to be a happy person, but, like everyone, I have my moments where it can be difficult to find those bright spots in my day. For long periods of time, my days can feel dim (not necessarily dark) and this is what I struggle with most. The mediocrity of day-to-day life prevails above all else. How do you overcome this? How do you train yourself to find more bright spots (and, thus, more happiness)?

These are the questions I'm working on answering. Lifelong happiness may be an endless process and, though never easy, it is what you make out of it. You have to find your own happiness because no one is going to do it for you. You must take what you have been dealt and find a way to be content with it.

I am searching for genuine happiness in the humdrum of daily life.

I will let you know where I find my happiness. I hope you share your happiness struggles and triumphs with me. Where do you find your happiness?

These peanut butter swirled brownies are never too sweet. The brownie is neither a thick fudge or light cake (like these blueberry brownies), but falls somewhere in between. The crunchy peanut butter swirls give these brownies a much needed texture. I find that the sweetness of the peanut butter balances out the bittersweet chocolate of the brownie. If you ever so slightly under-bake the brownies, you'll find yourself with a moister brownie that is neither dry or crumbly.

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Brown Butter Rice Krispie Bars

Today I ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Creamy peanut butter, grape jelly, and white bread—transcendence. I haven't had a PB&J for years and oh it was good. Sometimes I feel like I've outgrown certain foods, like boxed macaroni and cheese, hotdogs, or PB&J. It's not that I've ever stopped enjoying them, but they just got lost somewhere along the way and I'm just not sure why.

Do you ever feel like you've outgrown particular foods?

Occasionally, I throw around words like "palate" and "sophisticated." When I'm trying to be a bit of a show-off, I sometimes relate these words to myself. I'll be the first to admit I don't have any idea what I'm talking about. Having a "sophisticated palate" is probably much more than eating brussel sprouts without cringing or enjoying foie gras with fancy cheeses.

Lately, though, I've noticed that chefs are going back to our roots. The foods we loved as children are now being dressed up in new clothes. Grilled cheese and tomato soup. Macaroni and cheese. The hamburger and fries. As an adult with a "sophisticated palate," I can't complain. I love the nostalgia of my childhood favorites done up from scratch with more vegetables to satisfy my health tooth (I may have a health tooth, but the rest of my mouth is filled with sweet teeth).

These are the traditional Rice Krispie Bars elevated to a whole new level. Browning the butter before mixing everything together results in a bar with deep nutty undertones. By using salted butter, you can cut down on the sweetness of the marshmallow and really allow the browned butter flavors to shine. This isn't the Rice Krispie Bar from your childhood—this is the Rice Krispie Bar you wish you'd grown up eating.

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